1. |
terminal
01:47
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didn’t have to end like that
under cars or on the tracks
mom and dad it’s not a scar it’s just a scratch
pennies on the quarterback
leaving home but leaving tracks
punctured by the emptiness
i venerate the time i had
watch me decompose
in this scar city alone
all these places are the same
i can never go back home
dizzy yearning in chicago
don’t remember santiago
when impaled in colorado
ill wake up
|
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2. |
evaporating
02:17
|
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exit wounds on the exit route
cuarenta y cuatro was something to lose
parte de mi que obtuve de ti
weeks i was happy at fifteen
now my skeleton left to dry on these yellow notes
the moment dies and i’m left alone
all my friends are leaving this house i used to call home
just a dream or so it seems
searching for something i’ll never see
floating down up the sidewalk
with a body that stays close to me
i don’t know what i’m supposed to be
tracing the veins up and down my sleeve
stop my heart don’t let me bleed
irreparably
i knew that i could sleep and feel the same
in a parking lot shot from the pouring rain
now you’re haunting the highway
fade out sun sets caving under the weight
scar city let me into your arms someday
flowing salty tears at the everyday
reincarnation in desperation l
a myriad of nothing to blame
infinite decompositions impend
despite all of this i ignore i pretend
i don’t need this i don’t need you
i don’t need my family or forlorn friends
oh my god i will make this end
scream with a stomach full of labels never read
just like god i will end up dead
you shot yourself and you’ll do it again
|
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3. |
obsession
02:20
|
|||
choke on the smoke in fated fire
hazel giving up
but you couldn’t tell what color my eyes were
cause you didn’t see them enough
cause you’re still afraid of the ending
the phone i’m breaking up
shattering in separate glasses
harmony turned dissonance in distance
we distance
slow dance insubsistence
staring through airplane windows
i can almost feel your
hands and legs around me as you latch on to something to live for
it’s hard to sleep at night
cadaver in the beachy light
shake my legs awake again the way that i do
maybe i was always like this
quivering worm underfoot still brutally honest
rock wall and the phone call
stairwell and the silent
juliet i’m afraid of
but even this will be over when we’re older
begging we can start again when we’re older
i’ll call you just to hear your voice
i’ll call you just to hear your voicemail
|
||||
4. |
fucked
03:12
|
|||
i can’t move my limbs
sucking out my life between the hole in my lips succubus please talk to me
i just want to make you good
i just want to tell myself i love you
act like you’ll remember my name my calling to fame
pretending like i’m worth the same as you
dissonantly yelling never telling the truth
im just lonely i just met you
find solace maybe if i’m ever honest
just stop it flaying veins of your adonis
i just want to see him bleed
to prove that in the end he’s the same as me
cause when i brush across your skin and feel the friction of reality
i pixelate emotions in your ocean current gravity
you burn me off the earth leave me drowning in the well
fucking fractals in your iris turning circles of my personal hell
everyone i’ll ever meet
pretty fleeting showing teeth
spinning on the empty street
coming to with bloody sheets
beetles in my quadriceps beelzebub in my brain
i keep dizzying myself with this crying on the train
there’s too many people too many people too many people
i wish i was one of them
|
||||
5. |
the hospital
02:29
|
|||
i couldn’t get the smell of you off of me
pouring over my hands
infinity regret into relapse
always fucking up the only chance that ill ever have
“i don’t even like you
so why do you act like that”
breathe on the beat of my heart splitting my atoms apart better than me from the start
my void of nonsense
opens up to swallow us whole
but you could plug it up
with the finger that motions for me to go
indigo hold let me go home let me feel some comfort in this cold
pouring my skin into bodies as long as they fit the mold
mist spreading through the screen I regret it all
steady blocking out the sun with your silence
nails digging through my skin just to peel it off
nothing changed a day since the one six
a blank skip beginning to being done with it
run with it hold back just to manage
hate seeing your stupid fucking face around this campus
i must be alone for a reason
is that what they say to themselves
stay in this blatant decay written blood on the shelf
we’re both going straight to hell
je suis une âme solitaire
written by teeth on the stairs
three who abandoned me look back and stare
till i’m not there
|
||||
6. |
but i won't
02:24
|
|||
i quit while i’m behind
underneath my tongue to the dredges of my mind
don’t worry about me i’m fine
up until the end in a cold bed
i don’t want to wake up again
kill myself just to kill my friends
breath or vacant dust instead
i know it’s all the same to them
all the same to me
let the ash cover everything i told you
i know i’m gonna give up some day
i know you love me baby
but no one else does
so i don’t think i can hold on any longer
im sorry
red wine
and sleeping pills
cheap sex
and sad films
|
||||
7. |
come to
02:53
|
|||
this is the night you’ll do it
no one around you cares
blood-let feral entropy
for those who never saw you there
why wake up
to do my time
in this life that was never mine
nevermind you don’t give a shit
i’m giving in
give a shit
im giving in
beam me up to night white star
reach out for god as i open the scar
smearing my wrist on the back of her car
rip out the sky with my bleeding arms
killing the world with my gravity
throwing myself off the balcony
slowing to stop from the apathy
pristine tragedy
how did this happen to me
i did it to myself
i get it from my dad
it’s just one night
im never this sad
fuck all my friends they just make me mad
with em go the microscopic pleasures that i had
lifeline to that time where i might have
made sense of my
agony
i can’t fucking live like this
fill my mouth with pills and mist
push me in that warm abyss
crave the touch of nothing bliss
do some fucking harm to me
done with living partially
dreaming of the scar city
pick up the gun and kill me
|
||||
8. |
dissolve
03:02
|
|||
drowning in the midnight oil
byzantine ice cream
man in the sky
i talk too much
flock apples to the eye
i talk too much
ban this minivan
pledge hate
wanton escape
dead in the lake
we have everything
young boy dead in the lake
we have everything already
he talked too much
he talked too much
self jumping from body
i guess it’s like a brief feeling of falling
i jump back to my senses
or do i?
am i going to die soon?
i hope so
is this what scarcity feels like?
|
||||
9. |
scarcity
03:12
|
|||
the waking dreams still beg of me
i saw you in my sleep again
i saw you in my sleep again
i saw you in my sleep again
when living in post scarcity
i saw you in my sleep again
i saw you in my sleep again
i saw you in my sleep
pretend you never let me
pretend you never let me
a dying feeling hides the things
i wish i wouldn’t say to you
i wish i wouldn’t say to you
unconscious underneath the neon blue
hold me down don’t let me open my eyes
let me die let me leave my life behind
i flew too close to you
now my wings are tethered to your spine
leave me out to dry in the club lights
fall from my mind as i fall from the sky
you couldn’t care less and you won’t even try
can i survive just one more night
conciousness constrained in me
im dying in my sleep again
im dying in my sleep again
im dying in my sleep again
you fucked apart my entropy
im dying in my sleep again
im dying in my sleep again
im dying in my sleep
cuz nothing hurts anymore
nothing hurts
live shit longer i am i can pleasure ponder
never never leaving adolescence
never never never never
|
||||
10. |
as i lie in wait
03:17
|
|||
at the gates of bone
will you meet me silent
or screaming your charred lungs off?
a smiling bag in the river
why do you always got something to do
i wrote this song all alone
with no one to play it to
i hate everything i cant change
like my body and my brain
and how they hate each other
i shot myself
i can’t fall asleep
choking on all the memories
of everything i couldn’t be
did it mean anything
did it mean anything
|
||||
11. |
forever
03:33
|
|||
stabbing at the island in my chest
still pangea splitting as we speak
i won’t come up again i won’t come down again
limp underneath the floor where i belong
know you can’t help it but you’re so champaign
wish i could kiss you one more time before my veins burst
open into streets that i used to see
just because you’re just like me
im cursed with believing that things will be better not worse
shit shivering time is withering slashing the tires of a hearse
is this about you
or is this about me
nobody asks nobody answers nobody sees
i am starved in this bedroom being alone for this long
the monsters under my bed were under my head in my pillow all along
im tired of trying to be like you
im tired of trying to act ok
im tired of trying to live this way
stitch up this heart
and hide it away
he said goodbye
i don’t know why
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